The reality of our loss

So hard to believe that it's been a little over four months since we lost our beautiful Boris, we had no idea that it was our last day together when we got up that morning, everything was normal and Boris was in good spirits as we set off on our walk that afternoon to try out the new elbow splints I'd recently purchased for Boris's arthritic elbows on the advice of our wonderful vet Dr Tania

Below is the last ever photo I took of Boris and Eko together on the walk that changed our lives forever, little did we know that only 10 minutes later Boris would suffer a massive stroke and need rushing to see the emergency out of hours vet, there was no warning at all as the boys happily ran off around the corner and only Eko returned on the recall

Image Description - Eko the golden cocker spaniel and Boris the black cocker spaniel sitting side by side out on the common Boris is wearing Elbow splints to help keep his elbows stable

We’ve always shared our lives simply because we loved telling our story — the beautiful moments, the painful ones, the chaos, the laughter and everything that comes with living alongside dementia while being completely ruled by two wonderfully crazy spaniels

What originally started as just sharing our everyday life slowly became something so much bigger than we ever expected and along the way we’ve met the most incredible people, formed genuine friendships and found so much comfort in hearing the stories of others, as this little community grew we were honestly amazed but more than anything it gave us hope, hope that by opening our hearts and sharing our reality so openly maybe we were helping someone else feel a little less alone in theirs

But then life changed in the most devastating way

Losing Boris so suddenly that awful day in January completely shattered us and then only weeks later losing my dad too it felt like the ground had disappeared beneath my feet, the grief has been overwhelming, it's been the kind of grief that changes everything about the way you move through the world

If I’m honest my mental health has really struggled through it all, even something as simple as posting each day on our Instagram and facebook started to feel impossible because I didn’t know how to put that level of heartbreak into words, I didn’t know how to begin to explain the heaviness of carrying so much loss at once

So without really meaning to I retreated, I found myself posting more from Eko’s point of view because somehow it allowed me to hold onto a little bit of light in the darkness, a little warmth, a little comfort and a reason to smile on days that otherwise felt unbearably heavy

I know that style of posting didn't connect with everyone and we lost a few followers, I can understand that some people may no longer relate to us in the same way and that’s okay, but the people who have stayed, the kind, loyal souls who continue to support us, check in on us, send love and have walked beside us through all of this please know how much that truly means, so much more than numbers ever could

I thought long and hard about whether to post the video of Boris's last walk, but to those of you who've followed Boris's painful journey with his arthritis I didn't want to leave you hanging about just how much difference the elbow splints from Zoomadog made to him

 I'd been filming so I could make a product video which I'd ordinarily have covered with music, but the audio and this video shows just what a great walk we were having

So as not to cause distress to anybody I've edited down the end of the video to the point where the boys happily run off around the corner, the rest is etched on my mind forever and not for public viewing 

We’ve never been about followers, algorithms, or popularity our account has always been about honesty, love, support and navigating life together through both joy and heartbreak and that will never change

Dawn & Eko xxx 

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