Sorry we've been AWOL

Apologies we've been so very tardy about posting recently, the truth is I've been really struggling with my own mental health for the past couple of months

Something happened which made me realise that all was not well in my world and that I couldn't ignore it anymore when I hadn't been in to check on my parents for three days

They weren't totally abandoned as mum has carers that come in first thing each day to help her get washed and dressed, but I just couldn't face another day trying to cope with these two strangers who look like my parents and live in their house, but aren't the people they once were

Nothing prepared me for becoming my parents caregiver, it was forced upon me because I'm the only one near enough to do it. My life has been turned upside down and my own health struggles make things really difficult as I never get the time to just stop and rest up for a few days

 I'm absolutely exhausted with the constant worry as there's never a break, it's now almost mid April and I've not even had the time to get down to my allotment and make a start for this years growing season

My allotment has always been my place of refuge and is a large part of where our food comes from, but lately just the thought of it feels more like yet another chore that needs to be done

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

In some good news the local council have finally agreed to fund dads place at the local Dementia Day Centre, not just for the one day he's been attending but for two days, I'm so relieved as the cost of it was crippling but so worth it to see how much joy it brings to dad, we still have to pay some of the costs but it's minimal compared to before dad was funded

Dad has also finally agreed to let me get someone in to help out with the housework and meal preparation, he's been very resistant to the idea that he needs any extra support, that is until I pointed out that I've been the one giving him the extra support he claims he doesn't need, plus it's getting to the point that it's now affecting my own health with all this running around  

When dad had his knee replacement surgery, the hospital wouldn't discharge him until he had a 6 week care package in place because of his fragility, it lasted precisely three days before he told them to leave and never come back again and I've been doing everything ever since 

It's so hard to be mourning the person my dad once was when he's still there in front of me, some days dad doesn't even recognise now when I first arrive it's heartbreaking as I explain to him who I am, plus he's so very frail now it's terrifying, everytime the phone rings I live in dread of it being someone giving me bad news about dad now that he is in heart failure 

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

All this is made even harder by my mother who still insists on reminding me every day of my failings as a daughter, it's why I left home aged 15 and have avoided having anything much to do with her for the past 40 odd years unless I've had too

Mum has zero empathy for anybody except herself and she's not in the least bit concerned for dad's rapidly failing health, even though I've told her many times

Mum will literally bully dad into walking down to the supermarket for her, no matter how unwell he feels just to buy her those stupid vape cartridges that her cardiologist has told her to give up as they probably caused her stroke

Dad is the kind of person that will do anything for anyone, he's always been such a gentleman and I hate how mum has always manipulated him just to get her own way, but she's always done it and that's how it's always been between them

The most annoying thing about it all is that mum is a lot more able bodied than she lets on, mum forgets that when we go anywhere that if I'm out of her sight line I can still see her, she'll then speed up and walk normally - she only ever drags her feet and walks so very slowly whenever dad or I are there to witness it

Not only does dad have struggle to walk down the road to the supermarket for mum, she also expects him to pay for the vape cartridges too and they're not cheap

So every Monday I now take mum to the supermarket so that she can buy a week's worth of cartridges and pay for them herself, at least that way dad isn't getting bullied into getting them and then being in agony for the next few days because he's over done it

It makes mum so angry (which I find slightly hilarious) that I won't pay for her vape cartridges when she claims she has no money, I then remind her that she can use her bank card to pay for them, which I make sure she has with her when we leave home to go to the supermarket 

This usually results in in mum shouting at me in the supermarket about how I'm now so self righteous about being a non smoker, but each time I calmly remind her that I refuse to enable her vaping habit because the specialist has told her on numerous occasions to give it up as nobody knows what's in them, but apparently it's the only fun mum has in life these days 

All I can say on that subject is that I wish I was as "poor" as mum claims to be, then I wouldn't be struggling to pay for a car that I didn't want but had to buy to accommodate my parents and all the running around I have to do for them every day, plus take them to their numerous appointments

I'd love to be in a position where I could be earning my own money again, but caring for my parents is a full-time job in itself and there just aren't enough hours in the day to get everything done

Don't get me wrong, occasionally my parents do give me money for fuel if they think about it, but the odd £10 here and there is just a drop in the ocean of my ever mounting debt

It took me years to pay my way out of the debts my ex left me with and when I was medically retired from the MOD paying off the remainder of those debts was my first priority, boy did it feel good to be debt free once again

Now I'm back on that slippery slope of having to rob Peter to pay Paul and keep my head above water as my savings which weren't huge to start with are gradually dwindling away with nothing to show for it 

🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾🐾

In much brighter news here at Crazy Towers the days are starting to warm up and get longer now that the clocks have changed and both Boris and Eko are well

Image Description - Boris the Black Cocker Spaniel and Eko the Golden Cocker Spaniel sitting side by side in front of a large lake with a folly in the background, both dogs are surprisingly dry because there's no swimming allowed in the lake

Boris does still have a little lameness in his left elbow, the one he fractured then had to have surgically repaired but we've not needed to use his pushchair for some weeks now as it's thought to be a mechanical lameness rather than a pain related lameness as his range of movement it very restricted, we'll confirm with an x-ray just to be sure

Eko is still Eko, happy and nuts, I recently got Sam Boris's physio to give him a check over as I plan to start doing agility with him this year if I can find the time

 I'm really pleased that no restrictions were found with Eko's movement and there was no indication of any pain, so Eko has got a clean bill of health to try out and see see if he'll enjoy agility

Once again apologies for our tardiness in posting, hopefully things are now back on track again

Dawn, Boris & Eko xxx 

If you love online Jigsaw Puzzles check out our latest puzzle(s) of this weeks photo(s)