Christmas Risk Assessment

Photos Description:- Boris the Black Cocker Spaniel and Eko the Golden Cocker Spaniel sitting side facing the camera in front of and Ivy covered fence wearing Santa hats

NOTICE IS HEREBY GIVEN:

Please be advised that all members planning to dash through the snow in a one-horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way are required to undergo a Risk Assessment addressing the safety of open sleighs

Magic Wand Dog Training Centre

Hello: This is the Magic Wand Dog Training Centre, we are unable to come to the phone but please press or enter the number for your request, we will return your call as soon as possible.

Press 01 to tell me your dog has been asked to leave the local obedience club because he won't sit, wait, down or come when called (even when on lead) so you thought you would try agility.

Press 02 if your Labrador is morbidly obese and you thought you would try agility.

Press 03 if you want 30 minutes of advice and have no intention of paying for it.

Press 04 if you describe your dog as 'a little bit naughty' when what you really mean is that the b*st*rd bites ... hard.

Press 05 if you want puppy training classes but your Boxer is already 12 months old.

Lockdown Memo

Dear hoomans,

I have noticed over the past couple of weeks you have been staying in my home for extended periods of time. It is lovely having you here but I feel I should set a few ground rules. I would appreciate it if you would follow the rules whilst you are staying with me.

1. When you do pop out you will need to take me with you.

2. You seem to be eating lots of nice goodies whilst lazing about the house. I am entitled to a share of these. I won’t make a fuss I will just sit in front of you and quietly stare at you until I get my quota.

3. Don’t call me for another bath, I am clean now. Just because you are bored doesn’t mean I need a wash or haircut. I suggest you go clean the metal box on wheels outside again. Daddy human has done that a few times now even though it hasn’t moved in weeks.