20 June 2023

Friendships are Complicated

𝐑𝐞𝐟𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐚 𝐟𝐫𝐢𝐞𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐜𝐚𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐭

Wise words from my very good friend whilst cutting my hair the other day

Somebody I once used to consider a very good friend dramatically disappeared from my life overnight by moving house with no forwarding address approx 25 years ago

There has never been any contact to say why they left so dramatically

A head shot of Eko the Golden Cocker Spaniel and Boris the Black Cocker Spaniel sitting side by side in long grass facing the camera, the weather is warm and they both have their tongues out to cool off after racing around the field
Image Description - A head shot of Eko the Golden Cocker Spaniel and Boris the Black Cocker Spaniel sitting side by side in long grass facing the camera, the weather is warm and they both have their tongues out to cool off after racing around the field 

I had no idea where they'd gone so I couldn't find out if they needed any form of help or if I'd upset them

Over the years I've often wondered what happened to them, but as time passed I came to the conclusion they weren't the person or friend that I thought they were, so I moved on and got on with my own life

Recently though this supposed friend has started reaching out to me and it's been making me feel very uncomfortable, they chat away as if nothing has changed between us and no time has passed

A lot has changed in my life since then and things have been good for a long time, cowardly I've been avoiding any suggestions of actually meeting up in person 

I used to do a lot for this person, often uprooting myself, my young son and my dogs to stay at their house to look after their dogs at very short notice when they were off to dog shows for the weekend 

I did it as a friend never asking for payment, looking back as my stronger self I can now see that I was being used, it had got to the point it was just expected I'd always be free to look after their dogs whenever they went away

I recall one weekend I couldn't stay over and got accused quite angrily of letting them down, which was a total shock to me as I'd pre warned them several weeks previously I had something on myself that weekend

In the end I did agree go down to let the dogs out both morning and evening, but that was all I could manage at great inconvenience to myself

Back then I was very insecure and in a very bad relationship with my son's father, as a result I was very much a people pleaser and hated confrontation of any kind, I'd do anything for a quiet life and getting away for the weekend to look after their dogs did give me a short break away from the abuse of my partner, although it was a double edged sword as it always made the abuse so much worse when I got back home again

They've said their life has changed a massive amount since I last saw them and they're now living in a situation they really don't like in shared accommodation 

Whenever they suggest a meetup they want to meet at my parents house which is very odd, I've explained the situation with my parents being in poor health and both having dementia, saying that's not a good idea as they won't even remember them plus it would upset their routine too much, to just to be dismissed by this person and told your parents loved me and they'd love to see me again

It's got to the point that I've cowardly set all their calls to go direct to answerphone, I'm pretty sure I know what they want and it's something I'm not prepared to give

It's my belief they want to find out if I still have my block of kennels at my parents house, otherwise why the insistence to meet there and dismiss anywhere else to meet up

Maybe I'm being overly paranoid about the whole thing, but this person who I once considered a good friend is a stranger to me, I've changed, my life has changed and has enough complications in it now, that as harsh as it sounds I really don't have the time for all of this persons drama in my life

Don't get me wrong I have several good friends I don't see or speak to from one year to the next, but it's only life and it's commitments that keep us apart we always keep in contact, even if it's just a quick comment on a facebook post, an email or a phone call, we keep in contact and we'd be there for each other in a heartbeat if needed

This person treated me so very badly and really hurt me at the time when they disappeared from my life with zero explanation

Why should I be the one to make amends and just accept it because it now suits this person to pick up where they left off and be friends with me again after all this time

Where's the trust and respect of friendship?

I'm only just holding my life together these days, my self care and mental wellbeing has to come above all else at this time, if I fall back into that rabbit hole again who will look after my parents

Dawn xxx 

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  1. I don't blame you, they just up and disappeared so staying gone sounds like a good option.

    1. So glad it's not just me that thinks so xxx

  2. Hey, thanks for joining our Thankful Thursday Blog Hop!

    1. Love it and do try not to miss it xxx


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